i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
