The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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