So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
