I think my vagina is haunted
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
