I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize