Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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