i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
