Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
