and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
