5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
