He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I believe in your delicious
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
