hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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