I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
