the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
