i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
