Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
