So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
