and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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