Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
