so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
