420 ftw
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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