I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
