i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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