I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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