I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
zippers are such a cool invention
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
