If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
