I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
