im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
