dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
