Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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