I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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