Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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