I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
