I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
