Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had to cum in my sink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
