Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
