You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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