I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
