I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
