No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize