I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
