Your dad touched me again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
