really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
