I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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