Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
