I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
