I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
