I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
