Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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