i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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