Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
