Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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