me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
