from now on my penis is your penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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