The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
