The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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