This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
