Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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