Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
