You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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