Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
