btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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