I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my poor anus
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
