so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
and she was petting her beer can
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
