You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
