I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
