So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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