i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
