i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
